Trying not to cough on your face.

I caught whatever everyone has at work and have a wicked chest cough and this weird lump in my neck. A lymph node, but it still freaked me out so I went to a walk in clinic. He said to watch it for 2 weeks and if it's still there at that point, to come back and that it might be lymphoma. WHAT? So, he sent me on my way with a prescription for codeine cough syrup. YAY!

Furry Beasts.

Please. Feel free to talk.

Questionnaire for Potential Ticket Holders in Row J, seats 1 and 3 - for shows that are on the more subtle side (a.k.a. Dionne Warwick/Suzanne Vegas, you know, NOT rock and roll shows where it's expected that you'll act like a drunk idiot):

1) Are you a housewife out on the town for the first time ALL year?

2) Did you drink the majority of a bottle of wine at dinner before the show?

3) When your favorite song (most are, apparently) comes on, will you go wild and crazy and throttle your sober husband in an orgiastic frenzy?

In Addition:

4) Do you promise to talk during every. single. song?

5) Especially the songs that are very quiet?

6) Then, do you promise to get belligerent when someone points out that you are yelling during said song?

7) When you're leaving the theatre at the end of the show, on the way down the stairs, do you promise to slur, "Well, I hope it's quiet enough for you now!"

8) When the situation is carefully explained to you, do you promise to threaten job loss? (As in: "I hope you have a job next week!" "Really? Are you going to have something to do with that? Let's go talk to my boss right now." And then will you run away?)

9) (Different person, but guilty of questions 1-5) When the star limps off of the stage at the end of the show, do you promise to yell, "Encore!" over and over again even as people are filing out of the theatre? And then, when your husband (who dozed off during the show, btw) gently says, "Honey, I think she's done for the night," do you promise to snap back, "Oh, she can come back out for one more!"

Less Important and entirely different, but these ones certainly count:

10) Are you on a first date?

11) If so, do you promise to get to know each other by shouting back and forth during the songs?

12) And then, because the woman doesn't know the band, but I happen to, do you promise to try and bond with me when I jump up from the lighting board to dance? (No, thanks, I don't want to high five you.)

If you answered yes to at least 3 of these questions, press "Buy Tickets", pronto.

If you answered yes to questions 1-9, you should hope I never see you again. But if I do, I hope it's when the staff is out to dinner and you and your entire family are stuck in the doorway right next to our table. That way, I can yell, "Look! It's that drunk lady from that show!" Oh wait, that already happened.

Tabitha

... as pillow.

Piper strikes again...

This morning, Matt was sitting next to me on the couch, looking at stuff on his usual threads and all of the sudden, he goes, "OH!!!!!!" - scaring the crap out of me.

"Guess what your idiot cat did to me last night! I was at the other computer, playing video games and all of the sudden, out of nowhere, Piper comes barreling into the room, takes a flying leap, and lands on my back, claws out and just stays there! He scared the crap out of me AND he wouldn't get off!"

I should probably clarify that Matt likes to pick him up and Piper climbs onto his shoulders and just sits there, looking around. Matt will sometimes lean forward to give him a platform and then he'll just climb further out onto his back, and again, just sit there. I think Piper likes how tall it makes him feel. So, it's not like this is completely unpremeditated on Piper's be-half, but never has he been so bold as to be like, "Now! I want to be tall NOW!!!!!!!!".

Huh?

Matt drove me to the doctor this afternoon and as we maneuvered our way on snowy I-95, we chatted randomly. Side note: by maneuver, I mean avoid all the pig-headed SUV owners out there who think that just because they're bigger and have 4-wheel drive, that it's necessary to drive like they would if it was a sunny regular day, haphazardly knocking people out of the way. Matt's Legacy has all-wheel drive, too, but he also possesses common sense. This is clearly something that they surgically remove from your brain once you sign the papers for your gas-guzzler.

Speaking of surgery, we were chatting about human abnormalities and at one point, he added, "And she had 17 toes."

Me? "That's too many. No wait, that's too few...No. Wait."

Shut up.

The household critters...

Sooo, there are these funny little creatures that live in our house with us. I know, I know, "Your cat is so funny and unique and nobody has a cat like you and blah blah blah and I'm so allergic and I hate them and they scratch and wah wah wah." They keep me entertained, and since it's my space, here's a story:
Piper (my formerly girl kitten who turned out to be a boy cat. patience.) loves bottle caps. He hears the hiss and stands right next to you waiting patiently until he can go bat-shit crazy with it.
He bats them around, willy nilly, flying through the living room/kitchen/dining room/bedroom, sometimes with Tabitha on his heels. What usually happens is that after 20 minutes of noisiness, the bottle cap gets lodged under a rug.
Then he does that stupid thing that cats do where they try to reach for something by using the backside of their paws. Logic would say, use the part with the claws. They can stick to stuff! But, alas: Cats? Not so smart. So he'll sort of push his body around the top of the rug in circles, with his front paws feeling around in front of him and his bottle cap? Never shall he meet again (until the next hiss, of course).

So, I wake up this morning and go into to the living room where Matt is starting his day. He asks, "Hey, did you happen to pull out one of the baskets from the coffee table and put everything that was in it on the floor?"
"No."
"Huh. Piper was being a loud idiot last night with a bottle cap and I finally took it away from him. I put it in one of the baskets so that he couldn't get it. He waited until I went to sleep and then he pulled out the basket! He removed everything! And is now playing with said cap."
Hmmm, maybe not so dumb, eh?
Here's a crappy phone picture taken a couple of minutes ago. Piper is the one trying to get god-knows-what from under the couch and Tabitha is supervising.

I'll post better pictures of them from my real camera when I'm feeling less lazy. One of these day I'll get around to transferring the 5 billion pictures I have of them sleeping. You're on the edge of your seat. I can feel it.

Spider Monkey Kisses

Check out Primates in the Things I Love column for more of these fabulous animals and their cousins.

"Bubble bubble bubble, bubble bubble bubble."

My brother just sent me this link and it is HIlarious!!!!!! I think that I might have to visit it every day. So funny.

Teeny Tiny Monkeys!

And here's some monkey for today!

Click on the pic to read the National Geographic story about these little critters...

Getting My Nerd On

So, it's been a good four years since I actually spent time on this blog. A blip in 2006 and then nada. There are times when I try to come back and nothing comes out.

When I last posted though, I was immersed in Dave Barry's blog; it being a daily visit.

Last night at the Palace Theatre in Stamford, I went to see Dave Barry talk. My whole family went and it was a big night for me, on a personal, totally nerding out, level. He did not disappoint. Being the Dave Barry-o-phile that I am, I recognized a good 80% of his material. Sometimes, I said the punch lines along with him (quietly, of course. I'm not THAT rude, am clearly that crazy though).

After the show, I burst out of the theatre and was the 3rd person in line to meet him. I'd brought a copy of Dave Barrys Greatest Hits along with me, circa 1988, the copy I'd read hundreds of times. My mom questioned me at dinner why I didn't go out and buy a hard copy of the book to have him sign if it was my favorite. "No, Mom. It's this copy that's important to me." She doesn't get these things. So, I shook his hand, so excited. And as he was signing the book, I mentioned that I'd been an "Alert Reader" once, a big moment for me. He shook my hand again in response. Bigger moment. So that was that. A chapter comes full circle. On to the next thing...

two years, eh? well, i am back, and better than EVER!
a monkey to start things off!

Not just one monkey! Two Monkeys! And many more to come. (pic missing!)

alright, there's nothing else that's interesting that I can find right now. so that is all.

uh yea, again, i suck.
ok, so I'll spend some time this afternoon searching for articles. BUT I have to mention that the wakeboarding site has new clips. we were in florida this weekend and I am learning a dock start. see how impressive it is when I fall over and over and over again. HOT.
uh, that is all...for now... I PROMISE

I know I know. BAD BLOGGER. I've been busy, and there are some fire walls here at work which is totally lame.

Mystery 8 Ball dissected. (Scroll down to A Note About the Blue Fluid)

Apparently, it requires a bachelor's degree to video tape girl's showing their boobs. (gone, but pretty self explanitory)

Poor Cutie. (Fave Quote- "Cutie was not charged") (nor was "Cutie" still "there".)

Fan Pants. Just scroll down on the site. Seriously. (or don't, because it's not there.)

Ok, there are WAY too many things to take out of this article to be the fave one. But this one needs some special attention - "And with all due respect, she had a long way to go to even begin to have the firm, well-rounded proportions of Miss Lopez." (Missing!)

"Around a year ago a similar hairy black hog broke through a gap in the gate". That is all.

This is weird. And fascinating. And weird. And fascinating. (and not there)

Wanted. Pronto.

yea, that's enough for today. ok-bye

Sorry - I quit my effing horrible job on friday so I've been out of it. I VOW to have more on the blog. I VOW it!
Devon's new job. (is an error 404! YAY!)

The Onion's not real? OH MY GOD! (fave quote: "We don't respond to anyone, really, ever," she says. "We just laugh and laugh and laugh.") (and the link is gone)
Today's battle for monkeys. (is non-existent because the link is gone)
Naked voting. And also, what the hell is he talking about?
And he's not in jail, why? (GONE)
Dr. Shopping. I have back-pain too, can I have some oxycotin? (GONE)
And that's that.

I suck. that is all.
oh wait, here's some articles.
Oh, les francaise.
The Onion. A Gay Paper.
Devon's future. (I bet it was good.)
Those wacky nudists! (they aren't even there anymore!)
till later today. or perhaps not.

This article is weird on many levels. And also, if he doesn't care about the $239 million dollars, can I have it? I wish my video worked so I could hear them talking too.
Awesome.
Well it certainly wasn't stolen by the millionare from Virginia.
I wonder how Truffles would respond if this were he. (Too bad we can't find out. Link is gone.)
One of my friend's friend in college did something like this when he was in highschool (pre-computers so it was over the phone) and she said that a bunch of FBI guys showed up at her friend's house and took a bunch of his records. And that every time the President is going to be in town where he lives (even today which is not the same place as before) they call him and tell him that he has to stay away. And every once in a while, he'll get a record back in the mail. So, the price has gone up for pranking the president.
Monkeys strike again! (Boo, link is gone!)
ok-bye

Thanks to Crabby for pointing out that the Monkey King article doesn't link. And of course I erased the message from Aimee after I thought I'd linked it properly. No Monkey King for you!
I would like at this moment to give google a YEA for their popup blocker. it makes my day happy.
And also, last night I was dragged to a Van Morrison concert. I think that I was expecting a bunch of rockers for some reason and it so was not that at all. And they cut off the beer service when he came on stage. I actually asked if the group on stage was trying to put everyone to sleep (they were playing a slow jazzy number) before the Van band came out, and the response I got was, "I think this is his band." Score. And it only got better from there. Fortunately, we left before it was over, and then I decided instead of listening to the voice in my head that told me to go home, to continue drinking at Kendall's apartment. So today H & M proved yet again to be my bestest buddy and aided me in my outfit for the day. I could kill for a bed right now. And also? I'm too freaking tired to look for any articles today. so, um ok-bye