When last we left the Eggles, Frenchie and Edwina had just gotten married. Their honeymoon happened soon after and we're fortunate enough to have a few glimpses from that trip.
The lovely couple off on the adventure of a lifetime.
Best friend, Ebert sees the ferry boat off.
Dusk on the ferry.
Unfortunately, the photos in the jungle were eaten by it, but enjoy a few happy snaps of marital bliss!
Typical Tuesday at the Eggles.
Edwina sure knows her way around the ivories. You should hear her sing!
A rare glimpse into the private life of these two (nsfw!)
Oh!! Joy!!!
A teeny tiny Eggle!!!
And look, good buddy Ebert! "Good morning, friend!"
If your answer was "this easter", like it was for Holly and I, then you're right there with us. If it was "what are you talking about, you weirdo?" than you, my friend, are missing out.
I have a love hate relationship with television; combined with the inability to turn it off once it's on. Sometimes I just turn it on for background noise to keep my delusional thoughts at a dull roar. This results in marathon Law and Order CI and SVU viewings when I've already seen all of them a bunch of times or certain USA channel marathons (same), or How It's Made (same), Dirty Jobs (same), plus soooo many other shows. And now that we have HBO, who offers a bunch of great films along with a bunch of terrible ones, I've sat through some of the crappiest movies ever made; movies I certainly had to intention of ever seeing.
This was my status update on FB a while back: "Dear HBO, thank you for offering such great movies as 1990's I Come in Peace wherein 'an alien policeman and an FBI agent hunt for an alien hulk which kills for heroin in Houson.' Obviously every time this hulk kills someone, he says, "I come in peace." Yessss!" Another classic? The House Bunny. I've seen it 4 times. I'm not kidding. Obsessed? Twice. Two times too many. And the list goes on...
Matt likes to point out that I'll watch a terrible movie on HBO just to avoid watching commercials. (Right now I'm watching Lakeview Terrace and I hated it the first time.) The reasons I skip the commercials is that a) they're louder than the show which throws me out of whatever I'm doing and ADD sucks!, b) 90% of them are abhorrent and c) they get repeated and repeated and REPEATED. They drive me INSANE! So, yes, it's true, I'll watch something bad to avoid them. Of course, I could just turn off the tv, but then I'm right back where I started with the background noise. Hey, this is just a small glimpse into my scrambled mind! So fun to be me! La la la la!
But because I do see a bunch of live tv, I can’t avoid the commercials. And although I can't stand most of them, I really really love a few of them. I even get my hopes up that I might see them. Nerd, I know. The beauty of a commercial is that it's less than a minute long but if it's awesome, you can watch it over and over again. If there's a part in a movie that I really love, I'll get to the end of it and go back and watch something again, but it kind of loses its context. The whole build up is missing and what happens next gets lost. Plus you have to find the place, fast forward etc. But a commercial is so short that you can go back to the beginning in a matter of seconds and it gives you its complete story.
Now that YouTube exists, you can search for anything and see it in all its unencumbered glory. But there's something about watching the images on a big screen. It’s like a short film! A really short one! And nothing looks the same when it's uploaded to the internet. So, again, love/hate tv.
My love for commercials goes back long before the handy interwebs existed (though it was nice to be able to search through YouTube for my favorites from the past and find a commercial that I have been searching for to no avail for years). Back in the early 2000s, VW aired a Beetle commercial that I only saw once. It featured "Little Fluffy Clouds" by The Orb, a song that I thoroughly love. I remember paying attention to the commercial almost too late and when it was gone, I watched tv in hopes of seeing that commercial and never saw it again. My memory had combined it with another Beetle commercial that I did see frequently where a green beetle goes firing around the screen in torpedo like ways. I was surprised that I actually found the commercial a couple of weeks ago as I've searched for it within the last year. When I found it, I was so excited it was like receiving a present. Ironically, the melded commercial in my head was more intriguing than the actual one, but it's still cool. Here's the link:
Career Builder had a series of monkey commercials that I'd wait to come on tv as they were also pre-dvr for me. They eventually posted them all on their website, but they were best on a bigger screen: Bigger Monkeys! I have always loved monkeys (no, really?) and these gems combined the little munchkins and hilarious story lines. Greatest combo! They even came out with a second series of them before moving on to other topics that were still great but never matched the monkeys for me. I would post every single one of them, but I'll let you seek out the rest yourself.
I am not sure why SportsCenter only advertises on espn because they are crazy not to show their awesome commercials EVERYWHERE. This is one of my favorites featuring Scott Van Pelt, who is full on hilarious.
There is a reason why I started writing this post. A new Sears ad has caught my fancy and when I started writing this a few weeks ago, I couldn’t find it. Now it’s FINALLY online!!! This is where the whole having to watch all the commercials to get to one applies. The new commercial addresses the E.P.A. and appliance recycling and coins a new term, R.A.D. (Responsible Appliance Disposal). Just researching this commercial was crazy. It wasn’t posted anywhere on the internet and it took multiple different Google searches to even get answers on RAD. When the commercial made a rare appearance on tv, my excitement was visible. Matt would call me in if I was in the other room and rewind it and we’d watch. Sometimes more than once.. If I was by myself when it came on a good three or four viewings were in order. Matt thinks it’s funny, but not as much as I do. Today, I did another YouTube search and voila, it’s been posted! Now that I've built it up to epic proportions, please enjoy the refrigerator delivery guy and two sardonic teenage boys. I know I have…about 40 million times.
When not shoving her face into paper bags, climbing into cardboard boxes or licking plastic bags, Tabitha is apparently a genius at tricking Piper. Last night, Matt watched as Tabitha looked on at Piper who was in the window. She wanted a space in the the window but Piper is rude. So instead of giving up in sadness, she decided that biting him on the tail was her next objective. His response was, "ow" and he jumped down, chasing after her. Here's where her smartypants exceeded expectations: She ran past the table, made a sharp left and came back around, and then jumped up into the window sill, leaving Piper in a befuddled mess. Superb.
I just wasted half an hour at H&M's website creating this model and laughing hysterically. First I made my model like me, so she has extra weight on her and I "tried on" ugly shirts. Shockingly enough, she looked fat in a lot of them. Then I discovered the jumpsuits. And oh it just went on from there.
This was just about as fun as discovering that "Ana" on the Ikea website doesn't like it when you swear at her. This of course turned into plenty of wasted hours coming up with creative things to say to her.
What can I say, I'm a sucker when it comes to things that will further me in absolutely no way and might just make me late for where I need to be (like right now).
I'd like to report that while listening to NPR on my commute home, the radio reporter (is that what they're called?) tried to say that Bernard Madoff was being brought up on fraud charges but instead of saying "Fraud Charges", she said, "Fart Charges" and I almost drove off of the road, I was laughing so hard.
I went to my parent's house the other day. A couple days before there had been a snow storm in which I made tracks up the driveway once and in the meantime, an ice storm had followed. This left the obnoxiously un-plowed driveway with a car track covered by about 2 inches of ice surrounded by icy snow. Adding insult to injury, the town had plowed about 2 feet of snow into the end of the driveway turning it into a roller coaster. Not easily deterred, I made a go at it, coming in from the right and got stuck in the driveway. Backed up, went forward, stuck. Backed up, went forward, stuck. Repeat far too many times. I had the peddle at full force the throughout all of it causing the engine to rev like it was preparing for a drag race. Snow was kicking up everywhere. I then decided that that if I burned through enough snow using this strategy, I'd be able to make it up the driveway. No dice.
A normal person, at this point, would park the car and walk the 50 feet up the driveway. You'll be shocked to know that I am not a normal person.
I put the car in reverse, shot out of the driveway onto the road, positioned my car dead on so that I'd have a straight path and gunned it like my life was over. As the car careened up the driveway, narrowly missing the fence, it rocketed along the icy path, kicking up what looked like pounds of snow in its wake. Finally, it cleared the house, obviously getting close enough to induce heart attacks, but I had arrived. This is when I saw the squirrels running in terror, literally diving for cover. I opened my door, wafted in the smell of burning tires and stomped to the house muttering, "I'll show YOU what a beetle is capable of doing."
I just labeled all my more recent blogs. Maybe grab a couple of random readers. And I revisited "Bubble bubble bubble, bubble bubble bubble" because it makes me laugh every single time. And then I decided to read the comments because I always love to read what stupid things most people say. Actually, I hate reading them, but I'm a glutton for torture. Sooooo, I was perusing and mentally punching people and I came across this joke that I just had to share:
Q. How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
I wrote this email to a good friend of mine (who's also a dog walking client) after my experience today. I went to meet another client who happens to live 2 doors down from them:
"I'm sure your husband told you about the surprise visit from me, two dogs and [her] daughter. I knocked on their door and two of the dogs barged through the door, went barreling past me across the street and then up the street in on coming traffic (both ways of course, one of them actually stayed stopped in front of a waiting car) and then ran right into your driveway where Digger met them with unbridled excitement and Coco growled and barked at them. To make things even more exciting, [your husband] came outside and one of their dogs ran into your house and ate some of your doggies' food. They had no collars on so catching them from the beginning had been shockingly impossible. I was very happy to meet [your husband], although he probably thinks that I'm an incompetent idiot."
Matt and I were driving the other day and I was listing off places that we needed to go to and then I said, "And then we need to go to Hollandaise." Matt looked over at me. I said, "I just really wanted to say Hollandaise." Matt shook his head at me for a while and I laughed for 10 minutes.
Yesterday Matt and I went to brunch. Sitting next to us was a family from a foreign country, most likely a slavic one. As they sat there eating their food, an older woman approached them. She leaned in conspiratorially and said, "My husband didn't want me to ask you this, but I'm going to any way. What color is a burp?" They looked somewhat blankly at her and so she repeated it, adding a motion of something being ejected from her mouth. One of them said, "What." "Burple!" And then she cackled happily and walked away while they sat there stunned. The american girl with them, obviously a cousin, explained the joke to them and they all gave their protests of confusion. And she goes, "Well, it isn't funny. That's why." And every one lived happily ever after.
Except for Matt. See, I burp a lot (because I'm a classy lady) and every time I did it yesterday, Matt would say, "Burple." And then he'd sigh in frustration that he couldn't get it out of his head.
Here's a picture of Milo with his eyes open! No flash!
Milo and Piper in a grooming sort of a battle:
Tabitha loves boxes. LOVES THEM. Box open, stuff removed, in goes Tabitha. I love this picture. I think it captures the strangeness of her obsession.
This was a photo that infuriated me because my lens (not my regular macro) just WOULD NOT FOCUS. So frustrating. But then Matt pointed out that it shows what they're looking at out the window. Picture saved. I guess.
And exciting news! We have a nest! There was a mommy bird hanging out (I'd hear her coo a lot) and Matt went out onto the back porch one day and said that he discovered eggs in our plant hanger! Not only that, but the mom bird (a dove) (and single mom, apparently), will actually stay on her nest when Matt goes outside to smoke a cigarette. So not only does he have to walk by her to get out onto the porch, but he's 3 feet from her when he's out there! And she stays! She stares at him but doesn't fly away.
Here is a shot of her and a shot of the eggs (she flew away when I was taking pictures. Apparently, Matt is her boyfriend.)
So excited about the babies!!!!!! Future update to come!
Most of the time, when I say this, people scoff at me. Matt is certainly one of those people. I can understand it but I just don't care.
A memorable reaction was when I was talking to some guy in a bar a long time ago about another band that I love, Flogging Molly, and then I mentioned that I loved Blink 182 and he said, "I fucking hate Blink 182" and walked away. I thought it was funny, especially because he was kind of a dork.
Also, years ago, while driving in the city with Kendall and Rachel (on our way to Saturday Night Live, I believe), I somehow got Kendall to play one of their albums. And Kendall says, "Actually some of their songs are pretty good." "Actually? All of them."
Some concert memories:
One time, I drove to Long Island to see them at Nassau Coliseum with a (now ex, obviously) boyfriend who got so drunk during the show that he actually PASSED OUT on the people in front of us. Full on fell on them. The poor skinny girl somehow caught him. So embarrassing. And then on the drive home, when I was completely lost and stopped at a gas station, he took the map out of my hand, crumpled it up, and haphazardly tossed it into the back seat. And then had no recollection of what he'd done the next day when I told him the story. I really miss you, Bryan. Call me.
Then there was the concert at Roseland. What a grand evening that was. We all paid $73 for ten dollar tickets. Then when walking (limping in Rachel's case) down to the bathroom, some little emo-ish d-bag in the making decided to grab Rachel's ass when we were walking by. He had no idea what circle of hell he'd just signed up for when Rachel turned around and slapped him in the face and I pegged him against the wall, yelling at him about respecting females. Then there was the guy at the bar complaining about how much he hated the band and how someone had given him a free ticket and how he should have just stayed home and blah blah blah. So I interrupted his diatribe with a heartfelt, "Then why don't you fucking leave!?" And he looked at me like who in the hell are you? Me? I'm the one who paid 7 times the ticket price for mine and am THRILLED to be there, yelling along with every song. Also? I'm the belligerent one who's going to make you wish you hadn't crawled out of your hole to make it to the concert that you didn't want to come to. He left. Shocking. And then we all danced around like fools to all of the songs, loving every minute of it. That concert was so much fun.
And then it started getting lame. Another time, I went to see them at a race track in Massachusetts and everyone there was 13 and they were with their parents. I would so not want to be the parents, horrified at the overly sexual comments that the band members come up with. That was the end of the concerts. And now that they don't exist, there aren't any more anyway.
But I really love the band. Still. I know that they make crappy music. I know that when I go to the bar and one of their songs comes on, every frat boy with a popped collar will start hopping up and down, high fiving their douchy friends.
I recognize their idiocy. As Tom Delong put it on The Mark Tom and Travis Show, "We're professionals. You might not have known that but we are professionals. And what we do is professionally suck and professionally act like a bunch of assholes on stage. That's what we do. We're just as God made us."
How can you not love someone who says that?????
I just simply love listening to them. I love shouting their music at the top of my lungs in my car. I love playing albums on repeat. Once is not enough. Hell, twice isn't enough. I love that half of their lyrics make absolutely no sense. I shout those ones even louder!
There are some lyrics that do make sense though. Some that hit me when I hear them. Some that represent a time in my life and fill that needed spot. Here are a few:
"Here I am. Standing on my own. Not a motion from the telephone. I know not a reason why solitude's a reason to die." "I'm ripe with things to say. The words rot and fall away. What stupid poem could fix this home? I'd read it every day." "I never did do anything that she asked. I never let what happened stay in the past. I never did quite understand what she meant. In spite of everything." "So read my book, with a boring ending. A short story of a lonely guy."
And I simply love everything about Adam's Song.
And honestly? This quote is just pure poetry:
"I'm writing the report on losing and failing. When I move, I'm flailing now."
We got early easter basket goodness tonight at the homestead. Included were chocolate covered coffee beans. Matt told me not to eat any. Then he told me to eat a bunch. I ate 7 and flew around my parent's house for a good long while, shouting things like "pew pew pew". Then I was told to knock it off. Not cool considering the circumstances.
Kendall and Matt decided that they wanted to roast the peeps, included in the baskets, over a fire. Burny mouths and subsequent (shocking) goodness followed. Here are some of the pictures that documented the occasion.
(without my flash [loathe flash], some pictures that I wanted eluded me, and what with the ADD free for all I was ensconced in, I couldn't quite put in the effort to actually try and care. I'm including the fuzzy ones because that's the kind of awesome that I am.)
Please note that while many of the links from the 2004 posts do NOT go ANYwhere, I've kept the posts because some include funnier quotes from the missing articles and sometimes, I just like reading my own dumb comments about them. BUT, all of the links that go nowhere are labeled as such, in random, stupid ways. Ok-Goodbye!
